Jack the dulard

JACKTHEDULLARD

1872
FAIRYTALESOFHANSCHRISTIANANDERSENJACKTHEDULLARDANOLDSTORYTOLDANEWbyHansChristianAndersenFARintheinteriorofthecountrylayanoldbaronialhall,andinitlivedanoldproprietor,whohadtwosons,whichtwoyoungmenthoughtthemselvestoocleverbyhalf.TheywantedtogooutandwootheKing’sdaughter;forthemaideninquestionhadpubliclyannouncedthatshewouldchooseforherhusbandthatyouthwhocouldarrangehiswordsbest.
Sothesetwogeniusespreparedthemselvesafullweekforthewooing-thiswasthelongesttimethatcouldbegrantedthem;butitwasenough,fortheyhadhadmuchpreparatoryinformation,andeverybodyknowshowusefulthatis.OneofthemknewthewholeLatindictionarybyheart,andthreewholeyearsofthedailypaperofthelittletownintothebargain,andsowell,indeed,thathecouldrepeatitalleitherbackwardsorforwards,justashechose.Theotherwasdeeplyreadinthecorporationlaws,andknewbyheartwhateverycorporationoughttoknow;andaccordinglyhethoughthecouldtalkofaffairsofstate,andputhisspokeinthewheelinthecouncil.Andheknewonethingmore:hecouldembroidersuspenderswithrosesandotherflowers,andwitharabesques,forhewasatasty,light-fingeredfellow.
"IshallwinthePrincess!"Socriedbothofthem.Thereforetheiroldpapagavetoeachofthemahandsomehorse.Theyouthwhoknewthedictionaryandnewspaperbyhearthadablackhorse,andhewhoknewallaboutthecorporationlawsreceivedamilk-whitesteed.Thentheyrubbedthecornersoftheirmouthswithfish-oil,sothattheymightbecomeverysmoothandglib.Alltheservantsstoodbelowinthecourtyard,andlookedonwhiletheymountedtheirhorses;andjustbychancethethirdsoncameup.Fortheproprietorhadreallythreesons,thoughnobodycountedthethirdwithhisbrothers,becausehewasnotsolearnedasthey,andindeedhewasgenerallyknownas"JacktheDullard."
"Hallo!"saidJacktheDullard,"whereareyougoing?IdeclareyouhaveputonyourSundayclothes!"
"We’regoingtotheKing’scourt,assuitorstotheKing’sdaughter.Don’tyouknowtheannouncementthathasbeenmadeallthroughthecountry?"Andtheytoldhimallaboutit.
"Myword!I’llbeinittoo!"criedJacktheDullard;andhistwobrothersburstoutlaughingathim,androdeaway.
"Father,dear,"saidJack,"Imusthaveahorsetoo.Idofeelsodesperatelyinclinedtomarry!Ifsheacceptsme,sheacceptsme;andifshewon’thaveme,I’llhaveher;butsheshallbemine!"
"Don’ttalknonsense,"repliedtheoldgentleman."Youshallhavenohorsefromme.Youdon’tknowhowtospeak-youcan’tarrangeyourwords.Yourbrothersareverydifferentfellowsfromyou."
"Well,"quothJacktheDullard,"IfIcan’thaveahorse,I’lltaketheBilly-goat,whobelongstome,andhecancarrymeverywell!"
Andsosaid,sodone.HemountedtheBilly-goat,pressedhisheelsintoitssides,andgallopeddownthehighstreetlikeahurricane.
"Hei,houp!thatwasaride!HereIcome!"shoutedJacktheDullard,andhesangtillhisvoiceechoedfarandwide.Buthisbrothersrodeslowlyoninadvanceofhim.Theyspokenotaword,fortheywerethinkingaboutthefineextemporespeechestheywouldhavetobringout,andthesehadtobecleverlypreparedbeforehand.
"Hallo!"shoutedJacktheDullard."HereamI!LookwhatIhavefoundonthehighroad."Andheshowedthemwhatitwas,anditwasadeadcrow.
"Dullard!"exclaimedthebrothers,"whatareyougoingtodowiththat?"
"Withthecrow?why,IamgoingtogiveittothePrincess."
"Yes,doso,"saidthey;andtheylaughed,androdeon.
"Hallo,hereIamagain!justseewhatIhavefoundnow:youdon’tfindthatonthehighroadeveryday!"Andthebrothersturnedroundtoseewhathecouldhavefoundnow.
"Dullard!"theycried,"thatisonlyanoldwoodenshoe,andtheupperpartismissingintothebargain;areyougoingtogivethatalsotothePrincess?"
"MostcertainlyIshall,"repliedJacktheDullard;andagainthebrotherslaughedandrodeon,andthustheygotfarinadvanceofhim;but-
"Hallo-hoprara!"andtherewasJacktheDullardagain."Itisgettingbetterandbetter,"hecried."Hurrah!itisquitefamous."
"Why,whathaveyoufoundthistime?"inquiredthebrothers.
"Oh,"saidJacktheDullard,"Icanhardlytellyou.HowgladthePrincesswillbe!"
"Bah!"saidthebrothers;"thatisnothingbutclayoutoftheditch."
"Yes,certainlyitis,"saidJacktheDullard;"andclayofthefinestsort.See,itissowet,itrunsthroughone’sfingers."Andhefilledhispocketwiththeclay.
Buthisbrothersgallopedontillthesparksflew,andconsequentlytheyarrivedafullhourearlieratthetowngatethancouldJack.Nowatthegateeachsuitorwasprovidedwithanumber,andallwereplacedinrowsimmediatelyontheirarrival,sixineachrow,andsocloselypackedtogetherthattheycouldnotmovetheirarms;andthatwasaprudentarrangement,fortheywouldcertainlyhavecometoblows,hadtheybeenable,merelybecauseoneofthemstoodbeforetheother.
Alltheinhabitantsofthecountryroundaboutstoodingreatcrowdsaroundthecastle,almostundertheverywindows,toseethePrincessreceivethesuitors;andaseachsteppedintothehall,hispowerofspeechseemedtodeserthim,likethelightofacandlethatisblownout.ThenthePrincesswouldsay,"Heisofnouse!Awaywithhimoutofthehall!"
Atlasttheturncameforthatbrotherwhoknewthedictionarybyheart;buthedidnotknowitnow;hehadabsolutelyforgottenitaltogether;andtheboardsseemedtore-echowithhisfootsteps,andtheceilingofthehallwasmadeoflooking-glass,sothathesawhimselfstandingonhishead;andatthewindowstoodthreeclerksandaheadclerk,andeveryoneofthemwaswritingdowneverysinglewordthatwasuttered,sothatitmightbeprintedinthenewspapers,andsoldforapennyatthestreetcorners.Itwasaterribleordeal,andtheyhad,moreover,madesuchafireinthestove,thattheroomseemedquiteredhot.
"Itisdreadfullyhothere!"observedthefirstbrother.
"Yes,"repliedthePrincess,"myfatherisgoingtoroastyoungpulletstoday."
"Baa!"therehestoodlikeabaa-lamb.Hehadnotbeenpreparedforaspeechofthiskind,andhadnotawordtosay,thoughheintendedtosaysomethingwitty."Baa!"
"Heisofnouse!"saidthePrincess."Awaywithhim!"Andhewasobligedtogoaccordingly.Andnowthesecondbrothercamein.
"Itisterriblywarmhere!"heobserved.
"Yes,we’reroastingpulletsto-day,"repliedthePrincess.
"What-whatwereyou-wereyoupleasedtoob-"stammeredhe-andalltheclerkswrotedown,"pleasedtoob-"
"Heisofnouse!"saidthePrincess."Awaywithhim!"NowcametheturnofJacktheDullard.Herodeintothehallonhisgoat.
"Well,it’smostabominablyhothere."
"Yes,becauseI’mroastingyoungpullets,"repliedthePrincess.
"Ah,that’slucky!"exclaimedJacktheDullard,"forIsupposeyou’llletmeroastmycrowatthesametime?"
"Withthegreatestpleasure,"saidthePrincess."Buthaveyouanythingyoucanroastitin?forIhaveneitherpotnorpan.""CertainlyIhave!"saidJack."Here’sacookingutensilwithatinhandle."
Andhebroughtouttheoldwoodenshoe,andputthecrowintoit."Well,thatisafamousdish!"saidthePrincess."Butwhatshallwedoforsauce?"
"Oh,Ihavethatinmypocket,"saidJack;"IhavesomuchofitthatIcanaffordtothrowsomeaway;"andhepouredsomeoftheclayoutofhispocket.
"Ilikethat!"saidthePrincess."Youcangiveananswer,andyouhavesomethingtosayforyourself,andsoyoushallbemyhusband.
Butareyouawarethateverywordwespeakisbeingtakendown,andwillbepublishedinthepaperto-morrow?Lookyonder,andyouwillseeineverywindowthreeclerksandaheadclerk;andtheoldheadclerkistheworstofall,forhecan’tunderstandanything."
ButsheonlysaidthistofrightenJacktheDullard;andtheclerksgaveagreatcrowofdelight,andeachonespurtedablotoutofhispenontothefloor.
"Oh,thosearethegentlemen,arethey?"saidJack;"thenIwillgivethebestIhavetotheheadclerk."Andheturnedouthispockets,andflungthewetclayfullintheheadclerk’sface.
"Thatwasverycleverlydone,"observedthePrincess."Icouldnothavedonethat;butIshalllearnintime."
AndaccordinglyJacktheDullardwasmadeaking,andreceivedacrownandawife,andsatuponathrone.Andthisreportwehavewetfromthepressoftheheadclerkandthecorporationofprinters-buttheyarenottobedependeduponintheleast.

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WrittenByAnderson